What happened when I let it all go and went with the flow.

XM2A6495

Date: February 21, 2015

posted by kira jean / Comments: No Comments / Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Going with the flow for me, means being totally in tune with my own flow.

Our energy is changing all the time, and there is a natural flow, a natural cycle that reveals itself if we open up to it.

 

What I’ve been noticing lately is how challenging it is to be in my own flow in a world where everything is flowing, and not always in the same way I am.

In my work especially, I feel pressure to get things done and push harder, even on the days I really feel like sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea and staring into space.

 

On the flip side, this past week I’ve had ridiculous amounts of energy.  I been waking up with a spring in my step, despite hardly sleeping and working late.

There was a part of me that thought I should “try” to create some balance.  That I should back away from the high energy.

I was scared I would burn out. I was scared it wouldn’t last, and I really felt like I should try to “control” it more.

Yes, of course.  It was best to “tame” it, to calm down, take it easy, and not dive deep into it.

 

What is it about intense energy/emotion that we fear so much?

Everyone else fears it. I even feared it myself.

It’s like it shouldn’t be there. It feels…..

unpredictable.

We want it, well we say we do, but when we get it we want to turn back, we want to stay within the walls of our comfort zone.

Is it really THAT comfortable living at half-mast?

 

If we were to run with it, the fast-paced, passion-fuelled energy, we’ll be judged.

Reckless.

Not taking care of herself.

Wild.

Too “out-there”.

You know what I mean?

 

And what if we don’t? We don’t run with it.

What if we don’t go with the flow when it comes?

What if we push it down?

Don’t let it out?

It makes us sick. It becomes latent, suppressed and toxic.  To our health, our mind, our soul, heck even our relationships, our passions, and our purpose.

 

Balance exists.

Naturally.

 

Feeling into it is less about creating it and more about allowing it to exist as it does already.

 

After a week of intense energy and running with it, I crashed.  But it was a different kind of crash.

It wasn’t a “I pushed too hard and have crashed in a heap on the floor”.

I knew it was coming.

I knew there would be a time when the energy would shift and it would be time to relax and re-energise before the next wave came.

 

In the past I would’ve been at the same level for months.

Whether it be a five or a ten, I would have been functioning at a baseline.  At times in my life it was at ten, perhaps even pushing over the edge.  I’d ignore the signs to stop and rest, and push on through.

Then I’d crash. Well usually my body would.  I’d get sick.  Forced to stay in bed.

Although sometimes I wouldn’t.  Stop I mean.  Even when I was sick, dead tired, and unable to think clearly.

 

On the other hand, there were times when I would be at a 2two. My energy so low I could barely drag myself out of bed. My mind full of the heavy clouds of depression.

When a burst of energy would come I’d suppress it.

It felt too intense.

I liked feeling numb. It was easier.

It was easier to stay at two and ignore the flow of energy running through me, than allow myself to rise with the energy, only to fear falling back into despair the next day.

 

Now I’m much more gentler with myself.

I’m more attuned to my own ways, my own flow, and my owns needs.

 

This week I’ve been fully conscious to the ebbs and flows within me, energetically, emotionally, and physically.

As a result it’s been a whole lot easier to manage my environment based on where I was at.

Sometimes the sofa was calling me, at other times the house we’re in the middle of fitting out, and then other times of course, I was being called to write.

 

And you know what?

It felt so freakin’ good.

 

It felt so good to run with whatever I was feeling in the morning when I woke up.

It felt good to be fearless and open and responsive and aware.

It felt SO incredible to be in tune with myself and my needs.

To know exactly what I could achieve, what I needed, what was going to support and nourish me.

I threw everything else to the wind.

I drank copious amounts of coffee (which I never do!), without feeling guilty.

I stayed up late, got little sleep, and worked like a dog.

And then I crashed. I watched Miss Congeniality, ate pasta for dinner, and slouched on the sofa for two days.

 

It felt great.

All of it.

 

It’s like finally, FINALLY, everything else didn’t matter.  The rules, the ideas, the should do’s, can’t do’s, and all of that.

It was just me and myself.  Doing whatever felt right.  And really not doing a lot.  Just moving with it.

Like, WHATEVER.

Details drifted away, and presence filled the space.

I was all there.

All in it.

All woman.

All wild.

All wide open and AWAKE.

Awake to the flow within me.

Awake to my own needs and desires.

Awake to and within the moment.

 

It wasn’t about this:

“If I do this now X, Y, and Z, could happen later. Therefore I should do THIS.”

I didn’t think about the implications of what I was doing at all.

 

It just didn’t matter.

Why?

 

Because I was doing what felt right in the moment.  And not in a self-indulgent, belligerent way.

I knew it was ok, it was right, because I had a deep sense of the balance that existed within and outside of me.

It was like I no longer needed to try to create it.

It was there.  I knew the intense high energy would be followed with a need to rest and re-energise.

I knew nothing was going to last, and it was all moving.

I knew there was nothing to fear.

Nowhere to go or get to.

That it was all there.

It was already in existence, and it was on it’s way to me.

 

More than anything, I felt connected to the feminine energy within me.

The power to create and nurture.

MYSELF.

 

That was it. I felt totally supported. By myself.

Does what I’m saying make sense?

 

I’m a woman, a strong, determined, intelligent one at that.

So are you.

 

But in some ways I was scared of myself.  And I know you scare yourself sometimes too.  We’re just THAT kind of people.

It gets messy, it looks messy from the outside, but within our little world it’s all beautiful, it’s all flowing.

Well, it CAN be.

You might not be feeling into it yet, but you will.

 

I know now that I was scared that I had all the answers.

It sounds crazy I know.

I was terrified that I could actually really know what my needs were and be able to create and nurture whatever I needed in that moment.

 

More than anything I was scared to become an island.

 

A powerful woman in tune with her needs and able to flow with them is unpredictable.  Misunderstood.  Questioned.  Feared.  As much as the winds change so does her energy.

 

I was scared everyone else would be scared!

The world wants predictability, right?

Everything should have a box it fits into.

Wife, business woman, mother, teacher, believer, dreamer.

WHATEVER.

 

What if we’re just “being”.

Not even being A BEING.

Just being.

 

Up and down, in then out, moving, shaking, creating, dreaming, money-making, sofa napping.
Haha. ALL OF IT!

 

What if we,

What if YOU,  just made space for it all.

 

FOR. IT. ALL.

 

Close your eyes now and take ten deep breaths.  Feel into the energy that’s within you.

Let it ALL be there.

 

You are so freakin’ complicated.  For the world it’s going to be a nightmare!

But for you, it can be so incredibly easy.

 

Let it all be there.

 

Move with whatever’s within you right now.

 

Do what feels right.

Not because you should do it.

Or even because you WANT to do it.

But because you NEED to.

Your body needs to.

Your heart needs to.

Your soul needs to.

NOW.

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